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  • Rowan Van Lare

A Series of Investigative Journalism: Rodog on Coronavirus FINALE

If you didn’t know, the Novel Coronavirus is the reason we have been brought home. Due to my dogged determination, for which I get my name (Ro-dog), I learned that this Novel Coronavirus is a book written by J.K. Rowling.

I learned that the Novel Coronavirus is about “coronavirus”, which I recently translated to mean Crown Virus.

Now I come to you with a hot new update on what that could mean.

Crown Virus is about the “one percent”, which I gathered from a little-known hobbit named Bernie Sanders. He said that all of our issues come from the “one percent”, and that the “one percent” are the rich people in our society.

Rich people have crowns, so it was not hard to make the connection. Anyone could do it - but they didn’t.

I believe that the press is hiding information about this Crown Virus, which I think is about the “one percent” controlling the rest of the population, just like the hobbit says. J.K. Rowling unfurled the truth, and it was so scary that everyone is now afraid to leave their house.

J.K. Rowling should not have done what she did, but the Crown Virus is REAL, and it is hurting the people more than the fear that it has generated. And hiding in our homes will not make the problem go away.

The only way to get rid of the Crown Virus is to get rid of all of the crowns in America. As this Virus only affects Americans (and J.K. Rowling is BRITISH, so she DOESN’T KNOW), we will need to get rid of one percent of the population (anyone will do) and throw all the crowns we can find in the ocean.

I am asking the people of America to find the crowns in your homes, Party Cities, and jewelry stores, and discard them into the ocean.

The only loose end is the man who runs this country. He is the key to removing all the crowns, and removing the one percent.

We have throw the King of America into the ocean.


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