A Letter from Rod Silva
I’m Rod Silva, Nutrition Party Candidate for President of the United States, and here are the things you need to know about Rod Silva. I am the most attractive man you have ever heard of. One time, I deadlifted a pig to assert dominance over it. I flex every muscle in my left leg when I hear the name “Reginald.” And I am going to be the President of the United States of America.
My reason for wanting to be president is simple: I am a fitness machine, and you will all bow before me. Myself and my vice president, my brother, Inferior Rod Silva, will ensure that all Americans will be in shape and healthy. We will do this by force if necessary, but we assure you that force will be necessary. Because look at you! You’re a freak, a flabby little freak, and I hate looking at you with an immense passion. I’m Rod Silva, and I’m a presidential candidate, and I fucking hate you.
I read Times New Roman’s write up of the presidential candidates, and I saw that they didn’t include me, even after I sent them a fruit basket and several signed photographs of me, Rod Silva. I was so angry that I did 87 pull ups, ran 5 miles on my peloton in 24 minutes, and punched a hole in every wall my home has.
All I ask is that TNR interviews me. If they don’t do this, my Fitness Army will spare them. If not, there will be consequences.
The Superior and Only Rod Silva